Bet you never felt like that in New York

Whoever dubbed New York, New York "the city that never sleeps" should visit The Maternity Ward. Ha! Bet you never felt like that in New York, New York. (Apparently I had some first-hand experience over 40 years ago, but I can't remember too many details. My fatigue is overtaking me. OK, so there was the epidural, which should have relieved the pain, if even one of the four dosage increases had worked.)Thanks to Quick Thinking Doctor, the focused team of nurses, and a well-sharpened pair of scissors, Little Sister is enjoying great suction at the all-night milk bar with no more damage than a limp arm.)Most husbands suffer great humiliation during childbirth.The first lesson - all men, take note - is that my wife is my hero. Wives hurl razor-sharp insults like "I hate you!" and "You fink!" and "You did this to me!" and "I HATE YOU!!!" My wife, truly original even in pure agony, didn't use any of those words.

My wife's trauma was nothing compared to what Little Sister overcame. (That's "brachial plexus injury" in medicalese.Did I mention that this was a "natural" childbirth? Natural, as in no painkillers.m. And I suppose you could call morphine and nubain painkillers if they had actually killed any pain.) The arm will hopefully recover. And it taught me some valuable lessons, which it is my patriotic duty to share with you. and we do not look good in black. Fortunately, it did lead to two very happy results. Instead, she threw up on me. As the husband, I experienced the whole birthing outburst second-hand. Even if it doesn't, we know what the alternative would have been . 

 Her shoulders got stuck, pinching the umbilical cord and cutting the oxygen supply from her not-quite-yet-born brain. After careful observation, I conclude that this is the best way to experience it. My recent visit included a drop-in on several screenings of "A Star Is Born" at the late-show theatre, right near Mama's Breast (all night milk bar) and Papa's Gas Station ("We burp you on your way. Of course, it was 3:00 p.So my wife, with a permanent back condition amplifying the stab of every contraction and reverberating it through the spine with no momentary relief between contractions, felt every glorious minute - 487 in all - of the unplanned "natural" childbirth.To a chorus of infant cries, I drafted this column at 1:00 a. It gave me a new daughter, Lauralee, the Little Sister. in Tokyo, so I suppose it wasn't so late after all..m.The whole experience of birthing seems to be a very traumatic way to build a family. Lesson number four is to appreciate what you have rather than worry about what you don't. 

 To do the equivalent, you would have to press your shoulder up into your nose, while a bulldozer on steroids pushes you in a river of blood through your mailbox. (Don't try this at home, folks. The second lesson I wish to share with you is the importance of forgiving people who act in haste, in anger, or in excruciating pain from pushing a six-inch wide baby through a one-inch wide hole in their bodies. I feel like a wad of gum squished on the asphalt, baked in the sun, and stuck on a motorcycle tire burning rubber on a gravel trail.Of course, I don't hold the throwing up against her. In fact, she didn't Automotive Injection Molding Manufacturers say a thing." Did I mention that she is my hero? The third lesson is, when the best-laid plans go astray, improvise (which might explain the throwing up - I have reason to believe it was not planned, either)..The Maternity Ward offers far too many lessons to share with you now